im in new york. weird. im at college. finals are this week. we are on a quarter system, so things move pretty rapidly, reality hit me. i'm retaking a course... never got an F let alone failed a course. but it happens. so my BED sticks with me, even harder... i wish i could go back in time, just to live it again, because from here on out... i will never live at home anymore, i will never sleep in the same HOME as my mom, as my brother, as my dad. im in a dorm right now, next year i'm getting an apartment with 3 friends on campus. and then... move out of there depending on how long that takes to an apartment with one roommate or by myself, and then marriage, and kids, and the circle of life continues... when i left my house i didn't realize that was IT, no more calling my mom to bring the tissues when i'm sick, watching sitcoms with dad eating flinstone pushups, fighting with my brother over the remote and getting mad. no more, its all over... we only get one life unfortunately... and a chunk of it is over... when i grow up and i'm 90 years old and i look at my tattoo... i'm gonna be sad... because one, i'll be dead hehe, or two... that my memories of my life will be the memories created by the symbolism of my tattoo. you can get over things... but you never forget... i don't want to have to live my life remembering all of this, i'd rather have it kill me and have it publicly known. i'm alone, but isnt everyone? its emphasized by being in a different time zone... thousands of miles away, and i am alone... i am clingy and needy. 2.0 and i have gotten too close, lilly, and car-in understand. i miss vics, i don't remember his hugs.. i don't remember him... and he's changed as well... i told car-in about my BED, she refuses to admit it,... and when i kinda wanna talk, she doesnt answer her texts.... i guess its scary... but i was drunk when i told her. i think she think i don't remember. i miss my brother :( i remember los alisos... and everyone had a crush on him... hahaha, oh dannggg pimppp hehe. <3 hehe. i need to purge myself of all this. i need to create new memories. this fast isnt working... ughhhh four days and i can go back to my old ways california here i come....4 days | 
