things change. its how it goes. its not you, its not the world, its none of that. i just dont feel like it. thats all. it has nothing to do with our friendship or anything. thats all. i'm not going to succomb to your needs just because you want my pity. i'm sorry to put it that way, but thats how i am phrasing it at the moment. but i am just going along with how you think of me. oh its a joke when you say things... of course they are. i may be slow but i'm not stupid. w/e. i can't talk.

i'm in the same situation... so whatever.

speaking of Carlton...

i showed him my tattoo, he is yet to tell me what he thinks *because i barely sent him the picture like 3 minutes ago and its pretty late at night*

i hope he doesnt think i'm out looking for pity or anything... because i am not. i can't even say i love him anymore... i just can't say it...because... who knows if i do?

we talked, and he told me "no! you can't leave! you're gonna be so far away"

irmas mind: "cuz we're never gonna talk again and i'm not gonna see you for months at a atime, and we're gonna stop being best friends???.... cuz that shit hasnt happened already right?" w/e. best friend my ass...

sorry, i'm just kinda argh at the moment. apologizies to those that i take it out on. i mean everything i say, just not as harshly.

30 more days of school,

i need to leave all of this damn baggage behind... and clear my mind of these stupid memories haunting my mind... and all these people acting as if THEY are more affected by MY memories... argh... why can't everyone just get shot... then everything would be okay....

i need a gun :(